To my BEAUTIFUL slant-eyed siblings...

It has taken me very long to be able to work up the nerve to type this. Most of the time I would sit at my laptop and stare at the screen, expecting everything to come out easily and I wouldn't give it a second thought. But this topic is never easy for anyone to talk about. It keeps me up late at night, making it hard to shut down my brain and fall asleep. This may not come easily, but you are so, so worth it.

I love you. Even though you may not believe me at times, I always have and I always will. I wasn't around for the beginning of your lives, I didn't hold you in my arms while you were a baby or get to visit you in the hospital after you were born. But the moment I laid eyes of you, physically or just in pictures, I would have fought to the death for you. You were meant to be my siblings, and even though we aren't blood related, nothing will ever ever ever be able to rip you from my heart.

Here is where I am going with this. Everyone is different, no one is exactly like someone else. That being said, we are all beautiful in our own way. You guys are beautiful, just like everyone else. But, and yes, I am about to break the ice, you don't look like us. You are Chinese, we are American with different family backgrounds. Your skin is darker than ours sometimes, your noses are more flat, and your beautiful eyes are slanted. Like I said before, you are beautiful in your own way. There could never be a more beautiful you, it is simply impossible. Your skin can give you a really nice tan, which you may or may not like :), your noses are more easy to be kissed when they are flatter, and I absolutely love when your eyeballs disappear when you laugh!!!

But listen to me. Like I said, I would fight to the death for you, as I would for Chloe also. It's because I love you. So when I hear people say... awful, terrible things about you or your race, it takes a host of angles to keep me from exploding all over them. Seriously. They don't know you. They don't understand. They make fun of you to be cool, which is STUPID in caps lock.

Without giving away any information, you each have your own medical circumstances. Oh, the things people say because they don't understand! People at my school... The nasty things they say... This is how mad I am right now, my hands are shaking as I try to type. The things all kinds of people say, the looks you may get sometimes... This is all enough to put me over the edge. I have lost count of the nights I will cry myself to sleep knowing that I can't save you from the cruel world we live in. Knowing that I can't protect you, knowing I can't fight every battle for you. Some you just have no choice but to fight on your own.

This is what I am getting at: You are brave. You are strong. You are a VanderMeer. You have the God of the whole universe on your side. You are going to grow up and have one of the best testimonies and inspire all kinds of people. You already have. I know I can't shield you from everything, but I want you to know that you will always have someone fighting for you. No matter what the worlds says. You have me, but you also have God. I am human, sometimes I may fail, but God can't fail. He will never leave you or forsake you. That's a promise. Go and be the things the world needs. You have it... I see it every time I look into your beautiful slanted eyes.

I love you to infinity and beyond!

Love,

Jai Jai Abby

How we can Fundraise and go on Vacation?

There have been many blogs that I have written that have been hard to write, trying to type just the right thing without stepping on toes.  This is not one of them.

The VanderMeer's are going on vacation!!! The last real vacation we have been on was in 2012, so this trip is long overdue.  We will be sitting on the beach soaking up some sun, probably visiting some touristy shops, eating out occasionally and decompressing and we are soooooo looking forward to it.

We don't do it without understanding the paradox.  How can we go on vacation when we are trying to raise money to bring our kids home from China.  Shouldn't that money be spent towards your adoption instead of asking other people to support you?

Let me recap what has happened since out last vacation.  In 2013 we went to China to bring home Chase.  While you see the pictures on Facebook constantly of happy Chase, what you don't see are the hours, days, weeks, months of intentional parenting, dealing with attachment issues, emotional breakdowns, and outright defiance while he tries to find the boundaries.  We love him dearly and would do anything for him, but it is exhausting.  And that is just Chase.

We have done all we can with the girls to make sure they are getting what they need from us always too.  While Chase has caused us to exert a lot of our energy, the girls have been champions in dealing with it.  They understood going into adoption that is wasn't always going to be easy and they have been great at helping and loving and are the best big sisters that I could have imagined Chase having. They have been great examples of grace to us, but we know deep in our hearts that they have sacrificed more than they should have.

Yet despite some of the trials our last adoption brought we would do it all over again.  And we are!  This summer hope to travel to bring home our two newest VanderMeer's from China.  This time we do not do it through the eyes on naive adoptive parents, but knowing full well the struggles we are going to face.  The battles will be daily for a while as we adjust to a family of 7.  We understand that Chase may struggle to understand his place in the family and that we will not be able to lose focus on the foundation that we have built with him.  The girls understand that we will be going back into post adoption mode and we know that while they will perform beautifully that sacrifices will need to be made.

So with all that being said, we are going on vacation.  To us this is not just an escape from regular life for a while, it is a chance to unwind and reconnect as a family and get ready for the times coming up that will NOT be decompressed but that will be difficult.  This is exactly what is needed for our family, we set the money aside from personal funds after our tax return, not from any money raised for the adoption.  We have done a good job of finding ways to enjoy ourselves without breaking the bank, and we are going ENJOY EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

So you didn't really address the fact that you are fundraising at the same time... don't you feel we need an explanation if you are going to ask us to give to your adoption?  NOPE.

The truth is that most people that have donated to us or that will donate to us either understand the struggles we have gone through and will go through again.  They understand that a vacation right now is exactly what is needed and they won't judge us.  They will likely encourage us.  The people that choose to sit back and judge our decisions are not supporting us anyway.  So I'm not worried about them.

On a last note I wanted to add after reading through this that we are excited about our upcoming adoption.  I don't want anyone thinking that we are not.  We are excited that we are becoming a family of 7, we are excited that we are done with our dossier and that it is in the hands of the Chinese government.  We are excited about picking up our kids and showing them the love of a family.  But because we have done this before we know what to expect.  We are excited to move to the next step but we knew it was coming.

Right now we are most excited about going on vacation, decompressing, reconnecting and spending time together, and hopefully seeing some dolphins.

A Social Experiment - The Hypothesis

Anyone that has been following my Facebook page yet should know two things.  First we are adopting and doing some kind of fundraiser or planning some kind of fundraiser.  Second we recently started using a nutritional cleansing product called Isagenix.  Besides being the best nutritional cleansing product in the world, Isagenix also has a generous compensation plan.  A number of adoptive parents and others before have used it to generate a great residual income for their family. One of our goals was to use Isagenix to raise money for our adoption, and then continue to use that additional income to help pay for medical needs when our kids get home as well as pay off some debt.

I decided over the last couple of weeks that presenting Isagenix which has numerous ways to help millions of people, is much easier than fundraising.  I presented this idea to some of my adoptive friends as a way to help them raise funds for their adoptions, but I got no response.  I was not surprised because it is hard to rewire your brain when you are saving every penny you have to adopt, to instead spend money on a product for yourself that has potential to make money.  I GET IT.  So I decided to do a "Social Experiment".

We recently finished a 10 X 10 Challenge to fill a $3500 match grant.  It was awesome seeing people give and give generously to help us reach this goal.  You might think that we had a ton of people that stepped up to support us in order to reach this goal in 10 days.  But the fact is 20 people supported us. The bulk of the support was from one person who had promised a donation months ago and I asked her to wait to help us with a matching grant.  I'm not complaining, in fact I am very grateful, the point I am trying to make is that fundraising is hard and does not always work out like you might hope.

The Social Experiment

So here is my so called Social Experiment.  We have been informed that we are soon going to be listed on Village to Village, as one of their Adoptive Families.  This is great news and Village to Village is a great organization and allows donors to make tax deductible donations to their site.  The next step in our adoption fees is going to be the orphanage fees.  These fees are to pay the orphanage for caring for our children until we adopt them.  Since we are adopting two we need to pay two fees. To keep it simple we will round each fee to $6000 (it will probably be a little less but without knowing the exchange rate and each orphanage is a little different so we just round).  We will soon be announcing a fundraiser to try to reach one of the orphanage donations. Here are the subjects in my experiment:

Fundraisers

I am going to start a puzzle fundraiser.  In this fundraisers, potential donors can purchase a piece or pieces of a puzzle.  Their name will be recorded on the back of the puzzle piece so we know who has supported our adoption.  The puzzle will be framed when its completed and the total number of pieces will equate the $6000 goal.

Isagenix

In order to maintain an active account with Isagenix we need to continue to order the product.  Which we would want to do anyways. From the day the puzzle fundraiser starts we will also track any income we receive from Isagenix.  We will only record income when it has surpassed the amount we have spent to get our products.

A Few Ground Rules

Whichever subject is able to reach the $6000 goal first will be the win the experiment.  

If a matching grant is given during the experiment, only the donated amount will count towards the experiment.

Totals will be updated at the discretion of the blogger, based on the amount of free time available.

Both the Fundraiser and the Isagenix business will be pursued in the normal operating manner. Neither one will be shown any favor during the experiment. 

This is how the results will be displayed.

A few words from the Blogger

This experiment is for entertainment purposes only.  I really could care less which one wins.  I just want to get my kids home.  My guess is there are some people that don't like this, I don't care.  Again I just want to get my kids home.  Hope you enjoy following along.  Feel free to share this with your friends or try it yourself if you like the results.

Lifesong for Orphans - Made To Love Matching Grant

We just received news from Lifesong for Orphans that we were approved for a $500 matching grant. The grant is issued through our churches orphan ministry called Made to Love.

This is amazing news as our agency fees will be due in just a few short weeks.  While $500 is just a little way towards the money that we need, all funds that come in excess of the $500 matching grant will still be able to be used for our adoption.  Some grants will cap us at the term of the grant.

So Lifesong for Orphans is making it possible for supporters to make a tax deductible donation to our adoption where 100% of the donation benefits our adoption directly.

We are so grateful that the Lord continues to open doors for us to be able to finish this adoption.  If we have any friends reading this considering adoption but scared of the financial portion of this, I want to tell you one thing I have learned over and over again.  The Lord may not show up early, but when you are in His will He always shows up.

If you would like to donate towards this matching grant here are the details Lifesong gave us:

• Checks should be payable to “Lifesong for Orphans. In the memo, note “family name” and “family account number” (Vandermeer/#5064) to assure it goes to the correct account. Please mail to Lifesong for Orphans, PO Box 40, Gridley, IL 61744. Lifesong has been blessed with a partner that underwrites all U.S. administrative and fundraising costs (TMG Foundation and other partners). That means 100% of your donation will go directly to the adoption.
• To pay online go to www.lifesongfororphans.org/give/donate. Select “Give to an Adoptive Family.” Complete the online form and fill in “Family Account Number” and “Family Name” fields. Note PayPal charges an administrative fee (2.9% + $.30 USD per transaction). Your donation will be decreased by the amount of this fee.

Shirt and Hoodie Fundraiser

Spirit Hoodie - Charcoal ($30)

Spirit Hoodie - Red ($30)

Spirit Baseball Tee - Grey w/ Black Sleeves ($25)

Throughout the month of January we will be selling these awesome shirts to raise funds to help bring Micah and Maddy home.  The text on the shirt reads, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders." It comes from a song by Hillsong United, but it speaks to where our hearts are in the midst of this adoption.  We don't know what God's ultimate plan is.  But we know from the stories behind us getting to Micah and Maddy that he has a big plan in store for us and them.  And he keeps showing us through little breadcrumbs that he leaves us along the way that His hand is in this.  So we are encouraged to keep moving forward.

Spirit Baseball Tee - Grey w/ Red Sleeves ($25)

The shirts will be on sale for a limited time only.  We will be selling them through the month of January or until we get 50 orders. If we get 50 orders we will let everyone know that there is only a week left to order shirts and then the sale will be over.  The shirts are being purchased through a company called Fund the Nations, we have bought a number of shirts from other adoptive family fundraisers and are very happy with there quality.  Once the sale closes we will place the order and the shirts will be shipped to us.  We will in turn ship them out to those who purchased them.

Pricing is as follows:

Hoodies - $30

Baseball Tees - $25

plus $5 shipping (unless you live locally and we can drop it off)

If you are interested in ordering, please email Matthew at matthewvmeer@gmail .com.  There is a size chart at the bottom of this post that shows the sizes of each of the shirts.  Once we get your order we will send you payment instructions.  If we are shipping your order we will need your address to ship it to also.

As always thank you for supporting adoption.

F-E-A-R

Fear. 

Definition: An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

To me, fear is more than just an emotion. It is a mountain. It is a challenge. It is a ten-foot brick wall blocking you from where you are trying to go. It is blinding. It is shadowing. It's building a wall around you and it's not letting you out, forcing you to believe only in what you can see. You refuse to see anything else or listen to anything else other than what the big black box you are stuck in is telling you. You are utterly, utterly, lost in despair and confusion. 

Fear is that little voice in the back of your mind saying, "You can't do this. You're to afraid." 

So you don't. 

I am afraid of a lot of things. Heights, speaking in front of a lot of people, etc. But I am also afraid of other things, things that don't necessarily make me feel sick to my stomach. I am afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone, and doing things I don't normally do. I am afraid that my new sibling(s) won't like me, and afraid of what this adoption could do to my family. I am also afraid that kids at my school will think I'm crazy or weird because my siblings are from another country. 

What are we doing? What happened to I can do all things through Him who gives me strength? Did God not say that he would protect us? 

"Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand." -Isaiah 41:10. He wasn't kidding, people. "For I the Lord your God will hold your right hand saying unto you, fear not; I will help you." -Isaiah 43:13. He will help us. He is always with us. He never leaves. So why are we afraid? 

In my heart I am afraid that the people reading this won't like it. And I am here to tell you that it is because you are trapped inside that big black box of fear. "You can't do this. You're to afraid." .

Yes, yes you can. You are never alone. 

And for that reason, you should never. be. afraid. 

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." -Psalm 56:3. 

The Story of Jonah

I may have found our son. 

That was the text I sent Amanda (complete with picture) of a little boy named Jonah on an advocacy group I was a part of. 

Jonah was with a different agency at the time so I called them before I texted Amanda just to make sure they would be willing to transfer his file if we were interested.  After discussing it briefly we decided to request his file.

The agency he was with sent us his file and asked us to let them know if we were interested in moving forward.  They just wanted to check with a couple families that had been considering his file to make sure there families weren't interested before transferring.

Transferring a file can be a little tricky,  They don't actually transfer a file from one agency to another, but the file is transferred back to the CCCWA and then over to the new agency. 

We decided to move forward with requesting the transfer and in our hearts had accepted him as our son.  The agency that had his file said that they would try to find out by Monday if there were any interested families.  After not hearing anything Monday, I emailed them Tuesday to ask for an update, really just a friendly reminder.  What I got was unexpected.

Jonah was gone.  Sometime Monday night CCCWA had taken Jonah's file back and a completely different agency had grabbed it.  

It took us a few hours to find out which agency picked it up, We knew that agencies won't transfer a new file that they just received but we had to try.  We contacted our agency who was waiting for his file to become available and let them know what happened.  They were going to check into it but they didn't seem optimistic.    

Our hearts were breaking.  It is so hard to take ownership of a child in your heart and then let them go.  We had to go through that on our adoption with Chase and it is hard.  

I posted a brief summary of what happened in the advocacy group because a number of them at this point were following our story.  I asked them to pray for us and to recommend any other kids that fit what we were open to.

We had prayed together Thursday night that the Lord would bless this boy and find the right family for him.  We prayed that the child that He intended us to have would be safe and that He would open our hearts to another child just like he did Jonah's.

If you know the biblical story of Jonah you can help but see the similarities.  Jonah was called to go to Nineveh and prophesy, but instead of going where he was supposed to he jumped on a ship and headed a completely different direction.  He ended up being tossed overboard on the ship and being swallowed by a great fish.  He spent three days in the fish.  Was spit up on land and then finally went to go where he was meant to go all along.

It wasn't until Friday that we got the news. The agency that had Jonah's file had decided to transfer it to our agency.  This with them having the file for less than a week.  Something that simply DOES NOT HAPPEN.

It is only by the grace of God that we will get to call this boy our son.  But the Lord has made it clear to us that this is our son.  No matter what happens we can never doubt this.  And we are eternally grateful.