Fathers Day and the Alpha Male

Amanda mentioned to me the other day how Chase is so completely different than the girls.  Other than the obvious ways you can all think of both of our girls were always fairly well behaved and would do pretty much what we asked of them.

But Chase is SO. MUCH. DIFFERENT.

Growing up with three brothers maybe I just didn't realize, or being a boy myself I just didn't care.  But boys are naughty when they are little.  While I understand pushing the envelope to see where the boundaries are, what I don't get is continually stepping over those boundaries on purpose over and over again without a care that the boundary is there.

At first I figured he just doesn't understand what we were saying so we just kept restating it.  However last night I tried a new technique.  When instructing him with what was going to happen next and what the punishment would be for not listening, I asked him to repeat it back to me.  Instead of his normal repeating, he did not approve of his options and decided to stare me down.  As if somehow his willful defiance would win my approval and I would submit to him this time.   Is was then I realized what he was really doing was challenging my authority as the alpha male.

Many pack animals have what they call the alpha male.  This is true for dogs, wolves, lions and apparently boys.  The alpha male is the leader, all other males in the pack follow the lead of the alpha male. Occasionally one of the other males in the pack will think they are strong enough to become the alpha, they challenge the alpha to a fight and the loser submits to the winner.

This is the reason you see mountain goats hitting heads, lions clawing, and deer tangling antlers.  Its the reason gators are missing parts of their tails, and the reason dogs jump on the backsides of other male dogs as well as that of young children.  They are showing dominance over the other male.  And it is the reason that Chase will stare me down in the bathroom and not open his mouth to brush his teeth.

While the consequences in the wild are more severe than in our house.  The idea is the same, if I can be more powerful than you, I will become the alpha male.  Knowing this, Fathers Day this year takes on a whole new meaning for me this year.

While Chase was home last Fathers Day, he was still very new to our home and probably more scared.  This year he knows the routine of the house, he knows what is expected, he knows he is part of a family.  His real personality is showing through.  This Fathers Day I keep thinking about how I not only need to continue to show him that I am the alpha male of the house, I also need to respect his willingness to challenge me so he can learn how to be the alpha male when the time is right in his life.

This idea leaves me with two final thoughts, first I feel bad for Amanda because she gets to deal with these battles far more often than I do.  Second I finally realized why the only punishment that was truly effective for my mom was, "Wait until your dad gets home."

Happy Fathers Day.