Adopting a child with special needs takes a special kind of patience. We learned earlier on that our prayers needed to be focused on being the parents Chase needed to be, not having Chase be the child we wanted him to be. With his hand deformity and shorter forearms things that we take for granted are a challenge. Don't believe me? Try taking a short sleeve shirt off without your thumbs, only being able to bend your elbows to 90 degrees and not rotating your wrists (something Chase can't do because he is missing his radial bone in each arm). Things that we take for granted are now things that we need to think about the way we do them and reinvent them in ways that we can teach him to do them. Chase is very independent, which helps because he will rely on that to overcome a lot of extra challenges in this life. But when trying to handle the daily routines of life with a three year old who wants to do it himself, but in many cases simply cannot or cannot yet, you can imagine it gets frustrating.
So what does that have to do with adopting again? Everything. In order to adopt again we need to get some things figured out. If we adopt again it would likely be from China and the special needs program. This way Chase would have a sibling to share experiences with, to process things like racism, being different then the other kids, having a family that looks different then the other kids. So then are we able to handle more than one child with special needs? This would mean multiple doctors appointments, multiple therapy sessions, plus any specific needs that this new child would have. Integrating additional kids into the family, the extra costs to feed one more mouth plus additional doctors appointments, etc etc...
When we brought Chase home we drove a sedan, we quickly learned we needed a van. We currently live in a three bedroom ranch, while we technically could fit more children into this house. They need somewhere to go so mama and baba don't go crazy. That means a bigger house or one with a basement. Which will likely mean more house payments.
I don't want this to sound like a whine session, but these are the kinds of things that go through our minds when we consider adopting again. Those that have been there know it. Those that haven't adopted don't understand all the complexities that go into adoption, especially special needs adoption. So if you are on the outside looking in and all you see are the cute photos on Facebook, you may think adoption is all roses and sunshine I am here to tell you it. is. not.
At the same time there are great rewards that come through adoption. Chase can be a struggle at times, but he also gives the best hugs EVER. He has the cutest smile and can be extremely easy going. He is learning to play on his own and has a great imagination. He is learning the family routine and we are all starting to settle in. We have had a great summer so far and are looking froward to the rest of it. The good days are starting to outnumber the bad days. These are all good signs.
Now back to the original question. Are we going to adopt again? The answer is a solid... Maybe.
We know adoption is a calling that God has put on our hearts. We know that our obedience to that calling is a matter of faith a door that we have no problem stepping through. There are things we need to figure out in order to bring another child home, not the least of which is the financial aspect. Adopting again would required more fundraising which we are not looking forward to. In fact we don't know if people would be as supportive since we have already adopted once. I guess we will need to wait and see. Right now we are waiting, our house is on the market and we have an accepted contingent offer on another house which is bigger and still within our price range. So we are waiting and enjoying our summer, the Lord will let us know when the time is right.
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