One Year is Fast Approaching

We have been home with Micah and Maddy for almost a year now.  For adoptive families many of us signal the first year as a rather significant mile marker.  The first year after bringing someone new into the family is typically filled with stress and the entire family is adjusting to the new normal and finding their new place.  For us personally there have been highs and lows. We have had to deal with medical issues, attachment issues, regression issues.  Much of this first year has been hard, but we are beginning to see the signs of things starting to calm down.  We are seeing a new family starting to blossom, and the good days are showing up more and more often.  I thought I would share a few of our observations in the first year.

Weights and Measurements

When we first brought the new kids home we got in the habit of weighing and measuring them regularly.  It's fun to see these physical changes as they start to enjoy being part of a family and get consistent nutrition.  Both kids are pretty good eaters, Maddy will find her voice occasionally and express that she doesn't like something, but concedes to eating it anyway.  She did not like pizza when she came home and now enjoys it.  She has grown significantly this past year and has been in competition with Chase.  She passed Chase briefly in the height category until Chase had a little growth spurt and tied her again.  However she has been able to outweigh Chase for a month now and is now two pounds heavier.  Considering she is 2.5 years older than him, we are glad she is winning.

Micah on the other-hand is small. While he eats pretty good he can be quite stubborn about the things he doesn't like. He loves fruit and will eat any of it that you put in front of him.  At age five he still weighs just over 30 pounds.  We are hoping by the time he goes to school that he will outgrow his 3T clothes as most of his jeans now have holes worn through them.  He has grown a little taller in the last year, but not to the extent that we would have hoped.

No they are not twins

You can almost anticipate the question when we are out.  We will be chatting with someone new and they ask the age of our kids.  When the realize both boys are 5, out comes the question every time. While they are not twins, we have learned some of the challenges of having two boys, especially close in age. They are constantly trying to out do each other, and racing each other. Micah has problems with needing to be first, not a mild interest in winning, but an obsession of being the first to do something. While some reading this may think it is harmless, it actually reflects what was likely a pecking order survival technique he learned at an early age.  While we understand where this instinct is coming from it has been a constant struggle to redirect.

Boo

Maddy loves to hide and try to scare people.  In the morning she sneaks upstairs without anyone knowing and tries to startle unknowing victims.  If you don't see her where you expect her, odds are she is somewhere nearby, lurking, waiting for a chance to jump out.  Fortunately she only does this at home so we know she is safe.  While it is cute most of the time, there are times where it get a little old.  Like bedtime, we typically tuck the boys in first and when we leave their room she is missing. She doesn't go to bed on her own so you know she is somewhere...

Nicknames

With 5 kids, you would think we would stick to calling them their own names, but that would be too easy.  Here are a few of their nicknames:

Abigail: Abby, Abs, Gailly

Chloe: Chlo, Bug, Chlobug, Bugga

Maddy: Mads, Boo

Micah: Mike, Little Nut, 

Chase: Tweet, Tweetypop, Mr Tweeterton, Bruiser, Other Nut

We also have been known to group them, you can probably figure out who is in what group by their names: the littles, the girls, the boys, China babies, the nuts.

China

We talk about China a lot.  Maddy will often tell us about things that happened in China or compare something we are doing to her China.  We have made connections with each of our kids homes and other families who have adopted from there.  It has been neat to make those connections.  Micah doesn't talk about China as much except to call his nanny there his China mama and Amanda his White mama. For what its worth it seems they both love him, but both are willing to yell at him when he is naughty. Chase must be feeling left out because he has started making up stuff about his China too.

Challenges

Last but not least I thought I would talk about the challenges.  We have not been without them.  This year has been hard in many ways we anticipated any many we did not.  This is hard to share with people because when we do we typically get the, "Well this was your choice line." Apparently meaning that since we chose to be obedient to the Lords calling that we are supposed to enjoy the challenges that come with it.  But I feel the challenges are important to share as many people who may consider adoption need to go into it with eyes wide open.

Loneliness 

This was a new one for us this time.  We are not super social people, but we have felt lonelier than normal, which you would think would be surprising considering how many of us there are.  As a bigger family we don't really fit in with families with older kids or younger kids because have them both.  We only fit in with other "big" families, which aren't that easy to come by in a small town. 

Finances

While we expected the financial burden, twice the kids meant twice the financial cost.  Adding a little to the food budget wan't a big deal, but the medical bills climbed quicker than we could believe. Micah has had two procedures done this year and will be having a third soon. Between the two new kids we had 23 cavities and needed 4-5 dental appointments each including baby root canals and crowns which insurance didn't cover on primary teeth. My medical insurance at work changed in March so we had to hit deductibles again with the new insurance.  Micah has hit his maximum out of pocket for the year already.  We have been able to make payment arrangements with most places which has been a blessing.

Attachment

While attachment with Maddy was effortless, attachment with Micah has been a struggle.  Both for him and us.  He has not experienced the love of a family before and we don't know that he fully understands what that means.  At times it feels that he thinks we are just his newest nanny which is hard for both of us.  He has moments where he lets us in and things seem good, and then there are the moments where you have to remove him from situations and redirect him for the safety of other family members.

Despite these challenges I am grateful for the constant reminders of the grace we have received from our Lord.  I am grateful for him choosing me to father this family, even thought I don't always feel qualified.  I am grateful for an employer that is flexible and understand the needs to my family and has supported our decisions the whole way through. It has been an interesting year, and one that I am sure has shaped us in ways that we don't even know yet.

Three Months Home

So a little bit ago it came to my attention that today marks three months since the plane from Hong Kong holding my parents and two new little siblings touched down on United States soil and my life changed for good. While thinking about how much my life changed in a matter of twenty four hours that day I also realized there hasn't been a new blog post on here in, well, three months. So I thought I would give everyone an update on everything that has happened in the past three months.... older sister style.

First picture as a family of 7!

I'm going to skip over the events of July 17th, because that is a story in itself. As you can imagine, jet lag was a big challenge for all four of them when they came home. While this was expected, we were not so much expecting the issue that came with the sleeping arrangement for Maddy Bow-Bow: she would not sleep alone. While my parents were gone, my cousin and I decorated Maddy's room for her since we didn't have time to get to that before my parents left. But once she came home, we found she was not a fan of sleeping by herself, which is understandable because she shared a room with many other girl in her home. Eventually, sleeping with Chloe and I in my room fixed the issue and she slept so much better. Once Chloe's room was finished (we added on a room downstairs) Maddy and Chloe moved into that room and the problem was solved. 

During the first week or so, Maddy grieved for her life back home. During the day there were distractions, but night time when she was settled down she would often cry. Micah... not so much. Even on Gotcha Day my parents said that he kind of had a "yeah whatever" kind of attitude. I kept waiting for it to crack but it never really did. During the first week or so when he got in trouble of just couldn't understand us he would cry. And not just cry, he would yell. And once he was done with that, he would just sit there and yell "ehhhhhhh" for maybe ten minutes even when there weren't any tears. Let's just say I was glad to have time away at a church conference with my friends almost ten days after my parents came back. 

Eventually, the grieving and tantrums slowly went away (although Micah still knows how to throw a fit and will do it occasionally but not near as long). Slowly but surely Maddy's personality came out more and more. I was beyond thankful because she had been very guarded when she came home. Her sweet but very sassy personality came out more and more every day. My parents made the decision to home school them for the first little while and see how they did. They have picked up on so much English it is crazy. Maddy has even begun to read certain words. She also got glasses a few weeks ago. 

Isn't she a doll? 

Both Micah and Maddy are super tiny due to malnutrition. Maddy was the better of the two. Micah will be 5 next month, and he only weighs a little over thirty pounds. They have both come a long way since they came home, but it will still be a little while before they catch up. 

It has been quite the adjustment for all of us adding two new people two are family. We are still searching for, if you will, the "new normal". Life is so much different having a family of seven. There are toys everywhere, and I'm not kidding you. I have found that there is always someone around now- my room is no longer my room. It is Micah's place to hide his stuffed animals sometimes. It is Maddy's place to steal pillows from. 

Lately I have seen a shift in Maddy. If she hadn't come completely out of her shell yet, I think she has now. I have begun to see her goofy side- something I wasn't sure she had at first. She is simply hilarious at times, and does the goofiest things to try and make me laugh. Micah, also. While he is a bit behind mentally I have seen his goofy side too. I can't get over his giggle and the sweet things he does. I am training him to be a gentleman already. 

I don't know what's up with his face

I get the questions at school a lot sometimes: "Isn't it crazy being the oldest of five?", "Don't you wish you were the only child?", "Isn't it hard?". Yes, life is crazy. There is always something going on around here. Especially when I am watching them sometimes and the three littles are running around like a bunch of wild beasts. But no, I do not wish I was the only child. I can't imagine life without any of my siblings. Yes, are family is not at all what you would consider "normal". But I don't want to be normal. I would be lying if I said it wasn't hard. But this is what God has called my family to, and I cannot be thankful enough for the life He has given me. I love my crazy family, and while it is hard... I wouldn't trade it for anything! =) 

Outdoor family movie night

Coloring their Paw Patrol pictures 

 My mei mei 

Banana-eating monster

Transformation of Maddy

Transformation of Micah

A Mistake, a Matching Grant, and A Special Giveaway.

A Mistake

As an accountant I am usually on top of the numbers.  I do it for a living, in fact I usually make systems that double check that my numbers are correct.  So imagine my frustration when I mess up!! And of course it's never in the favorable direction!

If you look back at our last blog post I thought we were $10,000 short of where we needed to be to fund our adoption.  The new math put us closer to $17,500.  As you can imagine it was a punch in the gut, and the groin.

And as you can imagine I went into full on panic mode.

A Matching Grant

This however came as no surprise to our God.  He knew I was wrong all along.  I didn't tell Amanda right away, I was ashamed of my mistake and felt lost.  But God was working.  After confessing to her I started praying out load each morning confident that this was all part of God's plan and he was going to show up.  I also started to write down in black ink the specific concerns we were facing along with a countdown until we left. The intention is to then write in red ink the praises as the Lord starts to work.  And He has been working.

In His timing, He put together a couple people in my life that I shared the problem with and together they offered some financial assistance.  Wanting to maximize their generosity I discussed the idea of making it a matching grant  and they agreed.  The donations will be made to Project Hopeful, these same company listed in our last blog.  Further all the donations made in the last campaign will count towards the matching grant.  Unfortunately, there weren't too many.

This is a $3,000 Matching Grant that will double to $6,000 when we raise $3,000.  Donations can be made here:

DONATE HERE

We understand we have been doing a lot of fundraising and that some of our usual supporters are tapped out.  Please understand that we are extremely grateful for every single dollar that has been donated.  We know that we could not have gotten this far without a great community of people getting behind us.  We understand and have accepted the fact that we will likely be paying for this adoption for years to come, but we know these two kiddos are worth it.  We also know that the Lord will bless us for continuing to step out in faith, and he will bless those who help bring our kiddos home too.

A Special Giveaway

To make this fundraiser a little more FUN we are doing a special giveaway.  We leave for China in six days.  While we are gone we plan on looking for a special giveaway or two for those who support this last fundraiser.  We are hopefully going to find some one of a kind Chinese piece that you can display as a memento of your generosity.  We will be posting from China and you can follow along on our Facebook page at this link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1554245971485047/.

(You will need to request permission to join if you haven't yet).

Every $10 donated between now and when we bring our kiddos home will be an entry into the drawing to win a gift.  Lastly, because we know many people have given already in our immediate circle we are looking for Ambassadors.   Ambassadors are people willing to advocate on our behalf, sharing our posts each day and asking others to join us on our journey to bring our kids home and urging others to lift us up both prayerfully and financially.

100 Times 100 Challenge

Hi Friends,

If you are reading this you have likely been personally invited to take part in our 100 Times 100 Challenge.  As many of you know we are in the process of adopting two children from China and we are leaving very soon to go get them, likely by the end of June.  What you may not know is that we are currently about $10,000 short of funds needed to bring them home.  Honestly it may be a little more or less, but until we get home we won't know how much the travel costs were.

So thinking through the numbers we thought, if we can find 100 people that would be willing to donate $100, that would equal the $10,000 we need.  Now we know that for some of you $100 will be a stretch and we don't want you to put yourself in a place where you can't care for your own family.  So if you are not able to help, no big deal because we know in the end the Lord has this.  But we also know that for some of you $100 is not a big request and you can likely donate larger amounts.  So we ask that you consider this as well.

If you haven't been following our journey on Facebook (or maybe you aren't on Facebook), let me share our children with you.

Madilyn Grace VanderMeer

Madilyn Grace is 6 years old.  Her Birthday was in April.  She currently lives in Guangxi Province, in Nanning.  We will be getting Maddy first on our travels and spending between 3-5 days in her province.  She is supposedly an extroverted little girl that loves to read, we are really looking forward to meeting her and bringing her home.

Micah Samuel VanderMeer

Micah Samuel will be turning 5 in November, He lives in Guangzhou, which is in Guangdong Province.  When we finalize all our adoption paperwork it will be in Guangzhou, which makes it convenient for us to be able to not have to travel to a separate province to pick up our second child.  Micah is also an extroverted child, and is supposedly energetic.



We don't know if this fundraiser will work.  It may just fall on its face like many other fundraisers we have tried, but we need to try.  We know either way we will be leaving in late June or early July to go get our kids.  If we need to find a way to front the balance of the funds we will, we know that somehow or other the Lord will provide even thought at times it seems a bit scary.

If you are willing to join us with our 100 Times 100 Challenge, donations can be made at the following link.  http://www.projecthopeful.org/matched-families/vandermeer-family.  We are grateful to be partnered with Project Hopeful in order to allow our supporters to receive a tax deduction for their gift.

If you decide to join us, we ask that after you make your donation you write a note to Micah and Maddy.  This could come in the form of an email, a letter, or a Facebook message.  We intend to collect all of these and read them with our kids when they get a little older.  Thank you so much for helping us get to the finish line, we know many of you have given already and sacrificed a lot to get us to this point and we are SO appreciative.

Thank you and God Bless,

Matthew and Amanda

All Wrapped Up

Yesterday during my nightly devotions with Chase, the lesson was about worry.  Why do we worry when God created us and cares for us and meets all our needs?  During the reading (while I was trying to keep Chase from turning the pages), it gave a little trick about what to do when you are worried.

The trick was to imagine what you are worried about, placing it inside a box.  put a bow on it and send it up to God, releasing that worry from your mind and trusting God to deal with it.  I don't know if Chase was listening, but I sure was.  I don't worry often, but there are things that do weigh on my mind.  Most of the time these things seems to weigh on my mind for a while.  I do the right thing and say things like "God's got this" and move on.

Lately, however the final cost for our adoption has been weighing on my mind.  I know I can trust God to provide all that we need, but we need approximately $18,000 before we travel to China. Yesterday we got word from our agency that we are out of review and are not awaiting LOA.  This is a big step towards being able to travel.  It has brought the worry about finances to the forefront as it makes you realize just how little time we have until we may be heading to China.

So this morning, during my personal prayer time.  I took my worry about our adoption finances, imagined putting them in a box, putting a bow on it, and sending it up to God.  I was released of this worry and it was in Gods hands now.

You would think at this point I would have predicted the outcome, as God has been nothing but faithful through every step of our adoption.  But when Amanda called me this afternoon, I was speechless.  

"Did you know we were getting a grant from Families Outreach?" 

I am big enough to realize when God is moving.  He took a devotion with my 3 year old to remind me that He has got this, and that I don't need to worry.  Seriously, how many times do I need to learn this lesson?

While the check for $3,000 isn't enough to cover the balance of our fees, it is enough to remind me that He is ALWAYS faithful, even when I am not.  I love the little winks that the Lord gives us along the way reminding us of His faithfulness. 

Puzzle Fundraiser

It is time to launch our puzzle fundraiser.  Instructions for giving are at the bottom of this message. There are many different parts to this puzzle, in total we are hoping to raise $6000.  We are selling the puzzle in pieces and each piece that is purchased will get your name written across the back of the puzzle pieces so our kids can see who helped bring them home.  There are pieces available in everyone's budget so everyone can be involved.

Dragon
The focal point of this puzzle is the Dragon.  The Dragon is a great symbol of Chinese culture and I will go more into that in an upcoming blog.  Because of the amount of space in this puzzle devoted to the dragon we decided to break him up unto 3 sections.  The head, body and tail can all be purchased separately.  I understand some of these pieces are more expensive, but I also know that I have friends that can easily give these amounts and are hoping they step forward in support, or team up with each other to purchase these pieces together.

Dragon Support
The Dragon in the puzzle is just a puppet however, during a Chinese parade the dragon is actually controlled by a number of support characters.  There are 6 support characters represented in this puzzle.  Maybe you can't afford the dragon, but you can be support.  Much like adoption we need a number of support characters to carry the load.

Small Dragons
Maybe you want a dragon all too yourself.  Well you have that option as well.  There are three small dragons following the large dragon.  If you like the symbolism of the dragon maybe you should consider stepping up to one of these small dragons.  They come in three different colors so you can choose one of your favorite colors.  The small dragons are a great way to support adoption in a big way!

Stiltmen
Also following the dragon are the stiltmen.  These 3 characters are up on stilts for a good reason, with the small dragons up front, you wouldn't be able to see them very well if they were on the ground. You can choose to support us by having a stiltman of your own. To me the stiltmen represent people that are willing to watch over our adoption and pray for us through the process.  They keep an eye from a distance and make sure we are staying on the right path.

Palaces
Who wouldn't love to own a palace of their own?  These two palaces are representative of architecture in ancient China. We saw many buildings like this while in China and I was delighted to see these two buildings on the puzzle.  Depending on the style of palace you want you could be the first on your block to own your very own Chinese palace.

Filler Pieces
The filler pieces make up the bulk of the puzzle.  Much like adoption there are many big fees that people associate, but the ones that people don't realize are a large number of small fees along the way.  These can include things like visa applications, postage fees for paperwork, etc.  These nickel and dime fees really add up in the overall cost.  he filler pieces to me represent these costs.  They are the small pieces that hold the bulk of the puzzle together, the puzzle could not be complete without them.

How to Donate
To donate, go to the link at the bottom of this post to go to Village to Village's website.  There you will be able to enter the amount of the donation you wish to give.  100% of the donation will go to our adoption as Village to Village does not take anything for administration fees.  The donations are also tax deductible.   After donating you will get a receipt in the email.  Forward that e-mail to me at matthewvmeer@gmail.com with the piece that you purchased and I will add your name to the puzzle.

Thanks so much for your participation in our adoption.  We are so grateful to have friends that support us so generously.

Purchase your pieces here

http://www.villagetovillageintl.com/the-vandermeer-family-family-112.php

Puzzle Fundraiser - An Introduction

April is here and with it comes our next fundraiser.  We have been working with Village to Village International and will soon be approved as one of the adoptive families that they support, meaning donations given to our adoption will be tax deductible when donate through Village to Village.  I love Village to Village because their concept is simple, they have a goal of having 1,000 people donate $10 a month towards adoptive families costs.  When the reach that goal they will have $10,000 a month to support adoptive families.  How awesome would that be?  Its something I know they will reach after chatting with them a few times this week I can tell they are passionate about what they do.

Our next fundraiser is going to be a puzzle fundraiser w/ a little twist.  Our goal with this fundraiser is to raise $6000.  The cost of the orphanage donation for one of our kids.  The puzzle shown below is a $1000 piece puzzle, so it would make sense that each piece would be $6 right... not this time.  Keep reading for the details.

The problem historically with puzzle fundraisers is that people that are able to give more than $6 might buy 10 pieces which is great, but they could likely buy 20 or more pieces if they were invited too.  So to solve this we will be selling chunks of the puzzle that surround different sections.  So for example you will be able to buy the dragon boat in the upper left corner, one of the smaller dragons in the lower right corner, different parts of the large dragon, etc.  What is left of the "filler" pieces we will also be selling in the traditional style of a puzzle fundraiser where each piece has a set dollar value.

When a chunk or piece is sold your name will be written on the back, once the puzzle is completed we will frame or display it somehow so our kids will be able to see who helped bring them home.

I will be blogging occasionally introducing new pieces of the puzzle.  This puzzle is rich in symbolism and I will be sharing the symbolism of each of the different sections.  We would love to have this puzzle filled before the end of April so please consider supporting us with this fundraiser. Once we get the go ahead from Village to Village you will be able to donate directly to them online or you can send in a check.

As Always thank you for supporting our adoption.