One Year is Fast Approaching

We have been home with Micah and Maddy for almost a year now.  For adoptive families many of us signal the first year as a rather significant mile marker.  The first year after bringing someone new into the family is typically filled with stress and the entire family is adjusting to the new normal and finding their new place.  For us personally there have been highs and lows. We have had to deal with medical issues, attachment issues, regression issues.  Much of this first year has been hard, but we are beginning to see the signs of things starting to calm down.  We are seeing a new family starting to blossom, and the good days are showing up more and more often.  I thought I would share a few of our observations in the first year.

Weights and Measurements

When we first brought the new kids home we got in the habit of weighing and measuring them regularly.  It's fun to see these physical changes as they start to enjoy being part of a family and get consistent nutrition.  Both kids are pretty good eaters, Maddy will find her voice occasionally and express that she doesn't like something, but concedes to eating it anyway.  She did not like pizza when she came home and now enjoys it.  She has grown significantly this past year and has been in competition with Chase.  She passed Chase briefly in the height category until Chase had a little growth spurt and tied her again.  However she has been able to outweigh Chase for a month now and is now two pounds heavier.  Considering she is 2.5 years older than him, we are glad she is winning.

Micah on the other-hand is small. While he eats pretty good he can be quite stubborn about the things he doesn't like. He loves fruit and will eat any of it that you put in front of him.  At age five he still weighs just over 30 pounds.  We are hoping by the time he goes to school that he will outgrow his 3T clothes as most of his jeans now have holes worn through them.  He has grown a little taller in the last year, but not to the extent that we would have hoped.

No they are not twins

You can almost anticipate the question when we are out.  We will be chatting with someone new and they ask the age of our kids.  When the realize both boys are 5, out comes the question every time. While they are not twins, we have learned some of the challenges of having two boys, especially close in age. They are constantly trying to out do each other, and racing each other. Micah has problems with needing to be first, not a mild interest in winning, but an obsession of being the first to do something. While some reading this may think it is harmless, it actually reflects what was likely a pecking order survival technique he learned at an early age.  While we understand where this instinct is coming from it has been a constant struggle to redirect.

Boo

Maddy loves to hide and try to scare people.  In the morning she sneaks upstairs without anyone knowing and tries to startle unknowing victims.  If you don't see her where you expect her, odds are she is somewhere nearby, lurking, waiting for a chance to jump out.  Fortunately she only does this at home so we know she is safe.  While it is cute most of the time, there are times where it get a little old.  Like bedtime, we typically tuck the boys in first and when we leave their room she is missing. She doesn't go to bed on her own so you know she is somewhere...

Nicknames

With 5 kids, you would think we would stick to calling them their own names, but that would be too easy.  Here are a few of their nicknames:

Abigail: Abby, Abs, Gailly

Chloe: Chlo, Bug, Chlobug, Bugga

Maddy: Mads, Boo

Micah: Mike, Little Nut, 

Chase: Tweet, Tweetypop, Mr Tweeterton, Bruiser, Other Nut

We also have been known to group them, you can probably figure out who is in what group by their names: the littles, the girls, the boys, China babies, the nuts.

China

We talk about China a lot.  Maddy will often tell us about things that happened in China or compare something we are doing to her China.  We have made connections with each of our kids homes and other families who have adopted from there.  It has been neat to make those connections.  Micah doesn't talk about China as much except to call his nanny there his China mama and Amanda his White mama. For what its worth it seems they both love him, but both are willing to yell at him when he is naughty. Chase must be feeling left out because he has started making up stuff about his China too.

Challenges

Last but not least I thought I would talk about the challenges.  We have not been without them.  This year has been hard in many ways we anticipated any many we did not.  This is hard to share with people because when we do we typically get the, "Well this was your choice line." Apparently meaning that since we chose to be obedient to the Lords calling that we are supposed to enjoy the challenges that come with it.  But I feel the challenges are important to share as many people who may consider adoption need to go into it with eyes wide open.

Loneliness 

This was a new one for us this time.  We are not super social people, but we have felt lonelier than normal, which you would think would be surprising considering how many of us there are.  As a bigger family we don't really fit in with families with older kids or younger kids because have them both.  We only fit in with other "big" families, which aren't that easy to come by in a small town. 

Finances

While we expected the financial burden, twice the kids meant twice the financial cost.  Adding a little to the food budget wan't a big deal, but the medical bills climbed quicker than we could believe. Micah has had two procedures done this year and will be having a third soon. Between the two new kids we had 23 cavities and needed 4-5 dental appointments each including baby root canals and crowns which insurance didn't cover on primary teeth. My medical insurance at work changed in March so we had to hit deductibles again with the new insurance.  Micah has hit his maximum out of pocket for the year already.  We have been able to make payment arrangements with most places which has been a blessing.

Attachment

While attachment with Maddy was effortless, attachment with Micah has been a struggle.  Both for him and us.  He has not experienced the love of a family before and we don't know that he fully understands what that means.  At times it feels that he thinks we are just his newest nanny which is hard for both of us.  He has moments where he lets us in and things seem good, and then there are the moments where you have to remove him from situations and redirect him for the safety of other family members.

Despite these challenges I am grateful for the constant reminders of the grace we have received from our Lord.  I am grateful for him choosing me to father this family, even thought I don't always feel qualified.  I am grateful for an employer that is flexible and understand the needs to my family and has supported our decisions the whole way through. It has been an interesting year, and one that I am sure has shaped us in ways that we don't even know yet.