F-E-A-R

Fear. 

Definition: An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

To me, fear is more than just an emotion. It is a mountain. It is a challenge. It is a ten-foot brick wall blocking you from where you are trying to go. It is blinding. It is shadowing. It's building a wall around you and it's not letting you out, forcing you to believe only in what you can see. You refuse to see anything else or listen to anything else other than what the big black box you are stuck in is telling you. You are utterly, utterly, lost in despair and confusion. 

Fear is that little voice in the back of your mind saying, "You can't do this. You're to afraid." 

So you don't. 

I am afraid of a lot of things. Heights, speaking in front of a lot of people, etc. But I am also afraid of other things, things that don't necessarily make me feel sick to my stomach. I am afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone, and doing things I don't normally do. I am afraid that my new sibling(s) won't like me, and afraid of what this adoption could do to my family. I am also afraid that kids at my school will think I'm crazy or weird because my siblings are from another country. 

What are we doing? What happened to I can do all things through Him who gives me strength? Did God not say that he would protect us? 

"Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand." -Isaiah 41:10. He wasn't kidding, people. "For I the Lord your God will hold your right hand saying unto you, fear not; I will help you." -Isaiah 43:13. He will help us. He is always with us. He never leaves. So why are we afraid? 

In my heart I am afraid that the people reading this won't like it. And I am here to tell you that it is because you are trapped inside that big black box of fear. "You can't do this. You're to afraid." .

Yes, yes you can. You are never alone. 

And for that reason, you should never. be. afraid. 

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." -Psalm 56:3. 

The Story of Jonah

I may have found our son. 

That was the text I sent Amanda (complete with picture) of a little boy named Jonah on an advocacy group I was a part of. 

Jonah was with a different agency at the time so I called them before I texted Amanda just to make sure they would be willing to transfer his file if we were interested.  After discussing it briefly we decided to request his file.

The agency he was with sent us his file and asked us to let them know if we were interested in moving forward.  They just wanted to check with a couple families that had been considering his file to make sure there families weren't interested before transferring.

Transferring a file can be a little tricky,  They don't actually transfer a file from one agency to another, but the file is transferred back to the CCCWA and then over to the new agency. 

We decided to move forward with requesting the transfer and in our hearts had accepted him as our son.  The agency that had his file said that they would try to find out by Monday if there were any interested families.  After not hearing anything Monday, I emailed them Tuesday to ask for an update, really just a friendly reminder.  What I got was unexpected.

Jonah was gone.  Sometime Monday night CCCWA had taken Jonah's file back and a completely different agency had grabbed it.  

It took us a few hours to find out which agency picked it up, We knew that agencies won't transfer a new file that they just received but we had to try.  We contacted our agency who was waiting for his file to become available and let them know what happened.  They were going to check into it but they didn't seem optimistic.    

Our hearts were breaking.  It is so hard to take ownership of a child in your heart and then let them go.  We had to go through that on our adoption with Chase and it is hard.  

I posted a brief summary of what happened in the advocacy group because a number of them at this point were following our story.  I asked them to pray for us and to recommend any other kids that fit what we were open to.

We had prayed together Thursday night that the Lord would bless this boy and find the right family for him.  We prayed that the child that He intended us to have would be safe and that He would open our hearts to another child just like he did Jonah's.

If you know the biblical story of Jonah you can help but see the similarities.  Jonah was called to go to Nineveh and prophesy, but instead of going where he was supposed to he jumped on a ship and headed a completely different direction.  He ended up being tossed overboard on the ship and being swallowed by a great fish.  He spent three days in the fish.  Was spit up on land and then finally went to go where he was meant to go all along.

It wasn't until Friday that we got the news. The agency that had Jonah's file had decided to transfer it to our agency.  This with them having the file for less than a week.  Something that simply DOES NOT HAPPEN.

It is only by the grace of God that we will get to call this boy our son.  But the Lord has made it clear to us that this is our son.  No matter what happens we can never doubt this.  And we are eternally grateful.

Giving out FREE MONEY for my Birthday

Today is my Birthday.  I like to celebrate my birthday every year.  I start sometime in August with subtle hints that my birthday is coming, towards the end on September I start the pre-celebration of my birthday month.  On October first I share a birthday month dance with my daughter Chloe who also celebrates a birthday in October.

My birthday week is also special.  I bring up the fact that its my birthday week constantly and there is usually a comment regarding how many days until my birthday.  I just love to celebrate it.

This year for my birthday I sent an email blast out at midnight announcing my birthday to friends, family, and followers.  I am following up that now with giving out FREE MONEY!

I AM NOT JOKING.

In 2010 we stumbled across a new company called Ebates.  They pay us to shop online.  Since 2010 we have earned almost $800 in cash.  Its easy.  They have a Google Chrome link that tells us when we are shopping on a site that offers cash back.  We click on the Ebates button near the address bar and activate our Ebates account.  We then finish the transaction like usual.  Every quarter a check comes in the mail like magic money.

So what I am giving away is like money in the bank every quarter.  From now until December 31 they are paying out bonus referral money.  Click on this link to sign up for Ebates and I will also get referral money for telling you about it. 

http://www.ebates.com/rf.do?referrerid=qn3%2FLavxXbhLH6ce4jBc1w%3D%3D&eeid=26471

So Happy Birthday to me.  Free Money for you.

Enjoy.  Matthew

Shout Out for Adoption

I have always had this crazy idea about adoptive families that have gone before supporting adoptive families that are coming behind them, but I have never really been able to articulate it or figure out a fun way get the word out. Until now.

I don't know what will come of this (if anything) but after a Facebook friend of mine yesterday shared a picture of her and her kids wearing their adoption t-shirts it struck me.  Adoption t-shirts are something almost every adoptive family has, because at some point they either used it as a fundraiser or supported another family that was selling t-shirts.  We are crazy like that!  Combine that with the recent ice bucket challenge and it got me thinking.

#ShoutOutForAdoption

Here how it works.  Each adoptive family that has a t-shirt, put it on and take a picture of yourself wearing it.  Then share that picture on social media with a message to other adoptive families challenging them to do the same.  You can copy and paste this message if it helps:

I am taking the #ShoutOutForAdoption challenge.  I donated $50 to the adoptive family of my choice:  I chose (insert name of adoptive family).  I challenge (pick and tag three adoptive friends) to grab their camera and take a picture of yourself in one of your adoption t-shirts, share it on social media, and Shout Out For Adoption.  Find out more at: http://vandermeer-fam.blogspot.com/2014/10/shout-out-for-adoption.html

I will get things started and we will see if it goes anywhere or just fizzles out.

God Bless.

We don't want more kids

I was praying this morning knowing that today is the day we are announcing our newest fundraiser.  I prayed that I was able to help people understand why we are asking for their help, and it occurred to me that we needed to share an awful truth.  We don't want more kids!!

Now don't misunderstand me.  We love our children and we are excited to be adopted again, but it was the last thing we wanted.  We wanted to settle in to our little routine and live comfortably, make enough money to pay the bills, struggle occasionally (probably because of an unwise decision on our end), and raise the kids we have.  We wanted a pool, and chickens, we wanted everyone to have their own bedroom and to have a master bathroom.  The problem is, that was what we wanted it wasn't what God wanted for us.  And that was a reality that we had to face, look square in the eye and say, "Really?".

Before I get off on a tangent about choosing what God wants over what we want, I will stop myself and stay on task.  So many times when people hear about adoption fundraisers the mentality is, "Why would I help them grow their family? Its their choice, they should have to deal with the costs."  So I want to be clear, this is NOT our choice.  While we are happy to be following God's will, we did not choose this adoption.  Since we have been called to this, we are going to give it our all.

So that is why we are fundraising, because we don't want more kids.  But God wants more kids for us and the one thing our family wants more than chickens, or a pool, or even a master bathroom is to do what God wants our family to do.  We want our children to soar with wings that only God can give them.  The only way to encourage this is to show it, to let them know that living outside our comfort level and to seek after God's will is important to us and should be important to them.

So if you don't want to support our fundraiser, that's fine. But if you want to be a part of helping our family reach beyond what is humanly possible, then we hope you come along side us.  Because on the other side of the impossible is a child or two that needs a family.  A family that will encourage it to soar on wings not our own.



For more details on our latest fundraiser go to: http://www.eventbrite.com/e/bowling-benefit-wheatfield-lanes-tickets-13328601205

Long Way Home

Many of you know that we are in the process of adoption...Again. And I couldn't be more excited! I heard this song "Long Way Home" by Steven Curtis Chapman on YouTube, and it describes our long and hard journey through life on our way to Heaven. But as I it here, and see a bunch of adoption paperwork sitting on the desk, I can't help but think that this describes the adoption process in a way. There are mountains to climb, and valleys to go through. But in the end, it's a wonderful (not to mention lengthy) journey, where the destination is bringing a child in need into your family, hence the word "home".

I set out on a great adventure
The day my Father started leading me home
He said there's gonna be some mountains to climb
And some valleys we're gonna go through

But I had no way of knowing
Just how hard this journey could be
Cause the valleys are deeper
And the mountains are steeper than I ever would have dreamed

But I know we're gonna make it
And I know we're gonna get there soon
And I know sometimes it feels like we're going the wrong way
But its just the long way home

I got some rocks in my shoes
Fears I wish I could lose
That make the mountains so hard to climb
And my heart gets so heavy with the weight of the world sometimes

There's a bag of regrets,
My should've beens, and not yets
I keep on dragging around
And I can hardly wait for the day I get to lay them all down

I know that day is coming
I know its gonna be here soon
And I won't turn back even if the whole world says I'm going the wrong way
Cause its just the long way home

When we can't take another step
The Father will pick us up and carry us in His arms
And even on the best days, He says to remember we're not home yet
So don't get too comfortable
Cause really all we are is just pilgrims passing through

Well, I know we're gonna make it
And I know we're gonna get there soon
So I keep on singing and believing
What all of my songs say

Cause our God has made a promise
And I know that everything He says is true
And I know wherever we go
He will never leave us
Cause He's gonna lead us home

Every single step of the long way home
(Keep going, we're gonna make it)
(I know, we're gonna make it)
(We're just taking the long way home)
(Keep going, we're gonna make it)
(I know, we're gonna make it)
(We're just taking the long way home)
(Keep going, we're gonna make it)
(I know, we're gonna make it)
(We're just taking the long way home)
(Keep going, we're gonna make it)
(I know, we're gonna make it)
It's just a long way home

-Abby 

Referral Alert

If we got a referral today, would you want to know?

One of the most exciting times for an adoptive family is getting a referral of their child, we would love to share with you when we do, but we won't be able to share details on Facebook or the internet in general.  If you want up to date information, you need to subscribe to our mailing list.  Sign up below.

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